I subscribe to various agent blogs and I’ve often seen posts advising on what to do and what not to do with queries. One favorite pet hate with some agents is a query beginning with a question. For example:
What would you do if you woke up in the middle of the night and found a vampire sitting on the end of your bed, watching you?
Agent: “Scream and then stake his ass. Duh! *eye roll* Now where did I put that form rejection letter?”
Another no-no is to compare your writing to some famous author or another. It’s evidently considered a wee tad arrogant:
In the spirit of authors such as Stephenie Meyers, James Patterson and J.K Rowling, my completed manuscript XXX is blah blah blah.
Agent: “Oh really. Delusional, much? Now where did I put that form rejection?”
The same goes for trying to hook an agent’s attention by comparing your manuscript to popular movies:
My completed futuristic romance XXX is The Thomas Crown Affair versus Transformers, with a soupçon of Silence of the Lambs.
Agent: “You have got to be kidding me. I hated Silence of the Lambs–had nightmares for a month! Now where did I put that form rejection?”
Agent: “I have no freaking idea what this manuscript is about. Duh, I haven’t seen any of these movies! Now where did I put that form rejection?”
Okay, so I’m poking fun just a little bit with these examples, but there’s a very good reason for it…. And it’s revealed over at my weekly Writers Gone Wild blog post.