Comments on: Big boys don’t cry

By: Maree

Maree — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:47:53 +0000

I agree absolutely, Lynne. Motivation behind the tears is key! And a few tears artfully trickling down those manly cheek-bones are excellent. But runny nose and red eyes and full-out piteous sobbing? Not so sexy, LOL.

Ah, the double standard, huh?

By: Maree

Maree — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:45:38 +0000

Excellent point about men being wired differently and not having the same emotional responses, Julie. As powerfully emotionally that kind of scene is in a book or a movie, I’ve got to admit that in “real life” it would be completely different. If my husband told me one of his friends had broken down and cried in front of him, I’d be thrown for a complete loop! And I have to wonder whether I’d look at his friend in a different light.

From a feminine perspective, perhaps we’re projecting our own reactions onto the men. And perhaps we’re “accepting” the scenes more readily because of it.

Hmmmm. For want of a better word, is it more “acceptable” for a man to cry in front of a woman?

Gosh, I’d love a man’s perspective on this.

By: Maree

Maree — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:38:06 +0000

Thanks for the recommendation, Cai! *jots down note to locate that book and check out Sam*. Can’t wait to read it.

By: Lynne

Lynne — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:45:07 +0000

Hi, Maree. I definitely think you can have the hero crying as long as you have the perfect motivation. Selfish reason I would think would be out.  Some past trauma is always a nice kicker. I actually love it when a hero sheds a tear. It shows his vulnerability and a depth that you wouldn’t get otherwise. But there is a fine line of course. We don’t want him blubbering like a crazy fool. That would be a turnoff for me.

By: Julie E

Julie E — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:09:21 +0000

I don’t like to see men crying in front of other men. I can see the kid letting go of pent up emotions regarding his father to his mentor because he’s young, but I have a problem with the other way around. Men generally don’t cry in front of other men in real life. Crying to themselves or in front of a woman they completely trust is a different story. Those scenes can be really powerful. I’m just thinking of my husband and his best friend and the thought of them crying to each other is almost comical. My husband actually did have a friend cry to him and it threw him for a loop. Men are wired differently than women so we can’t expect them to have the same emotional responses.

By: Cai

Cai — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:27:42 +0000

Great post, Maree.

I’m on of those who doesn’t think it’s totally unmanly for an Alpha male to cry – sometimes that’s the best way to express what they just can’t say! Plus, most men aren’t like most women – they can cry and not leave a trace of tears – no red puffy eyes, no sniffling…how the heck do they do that.

Another example of manly men shedding tears – Suzanne Brockmann’s Navy SEAL novels – I distinctly remember the character Sam Starrett crying…and he was DEFINITELY an Alpha Male!

I’m sure there are more examples, but he’s the one that sticks in my head the most. :)